I always knew that I would have to save some money to get away from my husband for my safety. The reason being he had adamantly refused my requests, my demands for him to go. Even though he was the offending party he stubbornly refused. Even when he had promised to get a place, when the time always came, no matter the sanity of my arguments, no, he would not go. I would have to leave. Always in control, I would have to acquiesce to his demands or I would have to hide out in my room.
I began to secretly hoard and stash some extra money. It never amounted to more than a few hundred dollars and needs would arise causing me to have to use my hard earned savings. Things around my home increasingly grew worse. The abuse, verbal and physical, became so steady there was no longer any ” honeymoon” periods….those are the times,referred to by professionals in the field of abuse and mental health, in between the abuse, after the promises, the lovely interim times before the next attack.
The worst of it all began about a year ago to this day. My mother had died and my husband’s attacks on me were in incessant…with no ensuing apologies and only occasional promises to behave better…I knew I had to leave. I opened up a new checking account, called social security and had my retirement money posted in my new account. At only $700 a month in benefits it still accumulated very slowly. Then another and another horrific verbal abuse…I told him I was leaving.
He was able to change my mind again by asking me to stay and help him raise our granddaughter, because our daughter had become sick again and unable to care for her. I can’t believe it now, but I stayed! Once more, gullible me. It was only a few weeks before he was arrested. My daughter called the police. I am ashamed to say I did not make the call. I did make the one two weeks later! After spending the night in jail he came right back here asking…this time he asked… to stay. I firmly said no. And I kept saying no until he stopped asking.
I thank God he was arrested. That’s the only way I could be living in peace today. It’s very lonely, but in spite of the loneliness there is the delicious, lovely, quietness! The total aura of PEACE…pervasive, all-encompassing, peacefulness in a home once torn apart by lies, hate, betrayal, and violence. And where did I have to go? Only upstairs to my beautiful shabby chic pink bedroom… filled with the sounds of peace. One day maybe I will share it again with a man, but he will be a different sort of man. He will be a kind, compassionate, and peace-loving man!
And until that day arrives, if it ever does…I am not convinced such a man truly exists…I will live alone in utterly amazing peace. Maybe I’ll get a cat…sheila